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How does Anxiety affect children?

Anxiety is rampant in our society and worst of all, in our children. But what are they worried about and how does Anxiety affect them?

This is a frightfulness living with us today – and since we are all in it – we don’t notice it. Or we say, things like, “Oh, children are resilient… they’ll recover quickly.” But it turns out that isn’t so.

Statistics and reports tell it all: anxiety disorders are skyrocketing. Worst of all in our children. And anxious children grow into anxious adults.

What are the Statistics on Childhood Anxiety?

Today over 4 million children aged 3 – 17 have a diagnosed Anxiety Disorder. This is a problem that is not going away, and is getting more serious every day. In 2008 the data showed 1 child in 28 had such a diagnosis. Today it is one child in 11. The Yale Child Study Center data shows that: “One in three children will experience clinically a significant anxiety disorder before adulthood.

What are children anxious about?

It is a natural phenomenon of childhood that children do worry. And when they worry, they most often feel alone, which can greatly magnify the worry. It always depends on the child’s age, stage of development and family circumstances, but most worries arise from :

the dark: shadows, ghosts, and monsters or imaginary creatures
things they can’t control: any kind of disaster, like fire or storms
arguments between their parents; uncertainty of separation or divorce
pleasing their parents (especially helicopter parents)
financial circumstances in the family
school: being called on in class, bad grades, bad teachers
friends, being excluded, being bullied

Sharing Grown-up Issues with Children

Add to the list above, the fact that tech devices keep parents and children over-informed. There are instant and constant sharing of horrible, scary, and disastrous events all day every day. Children do not need to be informed of issues that concern only grown-ups. More than ever, parents need to protect their children from these kinds of stories that create a negative impact on children.

It is important to understand that worrying is usually a normal sensitivity. The harm comes when children are constantly bombarded with uncertain, unstable circumstances – especially when the child is in a more vulnerable stage of development.

Anxious Stage of Development

There are certain cyclical stages of development wherein a child is naturally anxious:

withdrawn – nervous – fearful of the unexpected – worried – negative – sensitive – moody – uncommunicative. Children in this stage want stability and order – and very little change.

Parents may look askance at the statistical data that shows Anxiety can begin in 3 year-olds. They wonder: Isn’t that ridiculous that a child that young can could be over-anxious?

Actually, this Anxious stage begins its developmental-cycle at 5 months old; is next seen around 1-year-3 months old; next in the 3.5 year-old… 7 year-old… 13 year old… 19 year old… and so on, approximately every six years.

“Bothered” Stage of Development

Another developmental stage also affects the stability of the child: 1-2 weeks-old; 8 months-old; 1 year 9 months-old; 4.5 years old… 9 years-old; 15 years-old… 21 years old… etc. This “Bothered” stage is somewhat like a contemplative see-saw: the child sees the possibilities but cannot necessarily achieve them. This is a time of trying to separate fact from fantasy. Also, the child is concerned with aches and pains, fairness, and independence. Again, this stage wants structure – and this is an important time to bond with the father.

So if your child happens to be in either the anxious or bothered stage – you can bet that their anxiety sensitivities are going to have more of an impact. Let’s say that a child in one of these stages has issues with monsters or imaginary creatures; that means that the child has a higher level of anxiety because their thresh-hold is already elevated.

Parents can re-direct worry if they are tuned-in to these stages.

A Note about Developmental Stages:

These stages are not chronological markers, but represent more fluid phases of development; meaning, obvious shifts do not take place like a time-clock, on each birthday.

Parents may notice glimmers of the next stage. Or they notice back-sliding to the previous stage if the child experiences emotional trauma in family: death, divorce, illness; anxiety, or depression: these days, often associated with child’s overuse of digital screens; or emotional neglect from a parent immersed in video screen.

Treating Anxiety in Children

Not MEDS!

If you google “Anxiety Disorder in Children” – the first choices that pop up are medications to relieve the disorder.

As I wrote in a previous blog – medication gives only temporary relief – and, unfortunately, leads to higher and higher doses of the meds. Medication should be a last resort, especially as they can affect the working of the logical, communicating, ethical brain – the pre-frontal cortex – which is still developing (until age 25).

The first order of business is to address the problem itself with a good dose of common sense.