Treating Anxiety in Children
Today, too many children suffer from Anxiety, worrying about things that are out of their control. Last week’ blog noted the dire statistics of over 4 million children diagnosed with Anxiety. Psychology Today states that means that one in eight children experience significant anxiety. Generally, children worry about things they cannot control. What can parents do about this?
Sometimes people have wondered about my Light Lessons, saying, I thought this was all about Saving the Magic of Childhood…
True.
But it is the parents who are guiding and teaching the children. So, I realized some time ago that my Light Lessons have to begin with the parents. I like to help and support the parents to help and support the child.
There’s the magic!
Treating Anxiety in Children means Teaching the Parents
As a matter of fact, this is not a new concept. The Yale Child Study Center has strategies to help anxious children by first teaching the parents. The Center’s program is called: SPACE: Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions.
They work with parents who are too often overprotecting their child. SPACE teaches them how to gently and firmly guide their child into normal everyday activities, away from merely accommodating their child. Three areas of anxiety are addressed:
- Social anxiety: allowing your child to isolate from social activities; it only worsens the child’s anxiety; children need to participate.
- Separation anxiety: sleeping with your child or keeping them always near you; makes it harder for the child to flourish and become independent.
- Generalized anxiety: constantly reassuring your child, endlessly texting your child, giving in to the child’s constant stomach or headaches; these give your child an empty, useless sense of security.
Parents are taught to avoid the above scenarios and simply say:
I know you are feeling upset right now, but I know you will be okay.
Then they gently but firmly send the child into the activity.
A Parent’s Needs – A Child’s Needs
Parents and children need to learn to:
- feel comfortable with feeling discomfort;
- persevere in spite of the discomfort;
- come to grips with the problem they are facing.
Parents who participate in Yale’s SPACE program learn skills and tools to help their child overcome anxiety. They focusing on changes that parents can make to their own behavior concerning two main changes:
– to respond more supportively to the parent’s anxious child and
– to reduce the accommodations the parents have been making to the child symptoms.
Treating Anxiety in Children: Sample Parenting
This is an example from the SPACE program:
For instance, a parent assigned to SPACE gradually reduced the dozens of text messages a day they sent their child to two or three.
Parents who repeatedly kept their child out of school because of anxiety-related stomach aches learned to say the SPACE mantra: “I know you are feeling upset right now, but I know you will be okay” – and sent their child to school.
Overall, they emphasize that it’s the parents who need to change. Parents do not need to make their child change, because the child will learn the lessons from the guidance of the parent.
Click here for more information on SPACE.
Learning How Anxiety Works
There are many studies out there that show the best way to handle anxiety is to help children face their worries instead of avoiding them.
Parents and children need to learn a bit more about how anxiety works. My previous blog, Anxiety in Your Body explains that the brain is constantly taking in information – some of it real – some of it imagined. You have to make a habit of sorting those out: is the worry, or threat, real? Or is it only your imagination, turning up the volume, magnifying the anxiety you feel. The important part is – YOU CHOOSE. You decide – every time – how to handle the worry.
Treating Children who are Addicted to Drama
Often, the parent and/or the child may be addicted to the drama of the situation – but it’s really just bad habit energy.
Drama is very alluring. And you live in a world of drama. Dramatizing events is what the news streams and social media do very well. They relentlessly show and share crises and turmoil.
And it’s Law of Attraction in action: more drama = more anxiety.
It works the same for you. The habit energy of anxiety drama always serves to make more anxiety… even when the threat is not real.
Drama in the Body and Brain
This drama is important to understand – because parents and children need to stop talking about the threat or worry – stop addressing it as if it is real. It only makes the anxiety bigger and badder.
Drama in the brain, lets the little amygdala be in charge… running the video of the threat, or worry, over and over again.
The pre-frontal cortex, with all its clear rational thinking, is overwhelmed by constant distress signals of the amygdala.
As a parent, you want to switch that around – with clear, logical, matter-of-fact support for your child.
Treating Anxiety in Children means we have to Switch
Next week’s blog will offer a list of more effective ideas and tips on how to switch from the emotional tyranny and drama of anxiety – and land in a calm, rational place, to find your child happy and healthy… with their…
LIGHT ON!
